Do Men Always Have To Make The First Move??

If you read my last post, you’re aware that I attended training in DC last week, and I would like to share a funny incident that occurred while there…

It was on the last day of training. I had just come back into the meeting room, and was sitting down waiting for the instructor to resume teaching. About 1 minute into her session, I noticed a strange man peering over at me through one of the doors that someone had left propped open. I knew he wasn’t in our class but I could tell by the huge smile on his face that he liked what he saw. He was tall, handsome, and well-dressed. I smiled back to let him know I was flattered but quickly directed my attention back to the instructor. I figured this guy would get the hint that I was busy, and would go on about his business.

WRONG! To my surprise, this man walks right INTO the classroom, right up to my table, and slips me his business card. It happened so fast that I was stunned for a second, but my shock quickly turned to complete amusement as I thought to myself how this man held absolutely NO reservation with his interest, even if it meant intruding into a class he had NO business in. My classmate and I laughed about it for the rest of the day, though she didn’t hesitate to let me know that she would call him, if I didn’t.

Which leads me to my next thought about the differences between men and women. Now, I’m no ugly ducking and I take pride in my appearance, so I’m often approached by members of the opposite sex. Sure it’s great to have plenty of options at your finger tips however, the thought of ME approaching a man used to be a foreign thing. Note that I said “foreign”, not out of the question. I just didn’t know how to go about doing it for a very long time. God forbid I come off looking desperate because we all know there is that stigma associated with women who go after men.

At any rate, I still don’t have much experience in this area. In fact, I’ve only approached one man in my life, and that was only after a very long time (a couple of months) of me sizing him up. Our meeting led to a very passionate relationship though it was extremely short-lived. I have no regrets yet since that time no one has sparked my interest enough for me to want to make the first move. I may be wrong when I say this, but I think a lot of women are, well….reserved, when it comes to making the first move. Sure there are exceptions to the rule (my classmate above) but generally most women that I know prefer for a man to partake in the art of chivalry (or at least pretend like he knows a little something about it). We like it when we are approached in a respectful manner. We like it when a man initiates the first call, and of course when he opens the door for us. If not, he will quickly lose points as we are analyzing a man’s every move from the moment he says “Hello, gorgeous”. What he does after that will make or break him.

Men on the other hand are very often driven by visuals (and that thing in their pants). If they see something they like, they go after it, and won’t stop until they’ve conquered it. The guy at my training is a perfect example. He spotted me, liked what he saw and moved in. There was no sizing me up, no conversation, no indication from me that I was even interested. I could have been married. I could have been missing teeth or even had bad breath but I guess he figured he would take his chances. There was another man who approached me at the Food Truck event I attended a few weeks ago, who literally handed me a crumpled up piece of napkin without uttering a word. Thinking his behavior was completely bizarre, I blurted out loud, “What are you giving me this for?”. He then explained that his number was inside and asked me to call him. As ridiculous as his whole approach was, I still have to give him some credit for having the guts to do that! I mean who still writes their telephone number on pieces of paper? Of course my girlfriends and I had a field day with him as soon as he walked away. Was he slightly delusional? Yes! But certainly not lacking confidence.

So in this regard, I truly envy men. I wish I could be more of a risk taker like that. Who knows, maybe I would have met Mr. Right by now :)

What are your thoughts on the matter? Do you believe the rules of chivalry are dead? Should both men and women just go after who they want?

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Comments

  1. Goldenbrown36 says:

    I am with you on that one…I am too reserved in that area and due to past relationships and experiences, definitely scared of rejection. I would like to meet a nice handsome guy (soon), but I will not be going up to him anytime soon. Unfortunately for me, I want the fairytale and tired of having too many frogs in my life. I guess I will be patient….

  2. that other guy says:

    Humm interesting topic, although I would challenge certain view points. Although the gentleman was very bold(something most females seem to like, if not love) and he was clearly visually stimulated, we don’t know his side of things. Maybe he was on a time crunch? Or maybe he felt like most males, that you only get that chance at that ‘one ‘once. Of course the priority list starts with aesthetics, we are a culture driven by looks. And show me the woman who gives a guy her number and takes the call that she is not physically attracted to.

    Having said that I don’t think most females realize the nuances of that initial meeting. “Do I approach as I soft spoken gentlemen?” “Do I approach with confidence/ a dash of conceit?” “Am I shy guy from the Five Heartbeats?” lol, the list goes on and on. And all are applicable in different situations. But at the end of the day, you only get one chance at making “that” impression, that will have her wanting to know more. As young men we approach these situations with apprehension and much practicing(lol). In college we are more brazen at times (probably due to all the liquid courage) and by now u have it figured out. You realize that outside of coming across as a total ass most women will be willing to get to know u before u even open your mouth. So really, it matters little what u say, and you now know, what you would have killed to know back in high school, there are more fish in the sea…lol … and there are seas all over the world.

    So.. I would love to see a very attractive woman size me up and come with her opening line, and depending on what’s said the fellas and I will have a laugh at her expense later on in the day. And of course I will answer when she calls later because ya know I’m visually stimulated and all….

    • :) Thanks for your input! I understand that men are under a lot of pressure to nail that “one” shot that you describe. Throw in a beautiful, confident woman and it can really make that opportunity even that much more stressful. I completely get that. Typically I am very friendly and receptive to men when they approach me (in the proper way), but some men haven’t matured past high school or college *sigh*. And yes, we laughed at Mr. Napkin Man behind his back though anyone, male or female, who witnessed Mr. Napkin man in action would have laughed too but generally I don’t get a kick out of crushing egos. I promise!

  3. Brandon says:

    I believe the rules of chivalry are still alive but fading in the popular approach. Most people are looking for the easy way to meet a person nowadays. Dating websites, and social networking seems to be the new way to approach people. These sites do a lot of the work that used to be done by people alone. I can’t speak too much about that because I haven’t used that method to be in a relationship. I consider myself to be an old fashion type where the approach is initiated by the guy and in some situations person to person. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not opposed to woman making a move on a guy. It’s just not what I’ve been accustomed to in my past. I do believe that the man deep down on the inside wants to be the ladies hero and in making that 1st move it gives him the opportunity to display he’s a warrior in his mind at least. Now that’s just from a guys perspective on how it should be. I hope this view point helps in some way.

  4. I definitely think chivalry is on it’s last days of life. I HATE approaching guys. As a matter of fact, the only way I can is with a few drinks in me. It’s a shame because at this stage in the dating world, if the female doesn’t do the approaching she’ll end up without a date.

    • *sigh* I agree, though I think women have much more control in this situation than we think we do, and in some ways may be partly to blame. Fewer and fewer women are demanding respect from men these days because they are so desperate just to have a man…any man will do. A lot of men are only doing the bare minimum and exhibit bad behavior because quite frankly, some lady out there is putting up with it. Sad but true :(

    • that other guy says:

      lol, u must live in the A. It’s a shame that u feel chivalry is dead, I assure you it’s not. There are plenty of men out there who’s mothers and fathers raised them the right way. The problem is that men have tooooo many options these days and not all women are going to demand the same expectations from men they are first meeting.(ok, I see StephMarie just echoed those sentiments) I will say that the woman a man wnats to take home to meet mama is still the one he considers a lady..in all aspects.

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